In Softness

Perhaps you've seen a meme that says something like, "Don't end the year strong, end it soft."

It speaks to me. It speaks to the part of me that has longed for softness her whole life.

Softness-- what I've named Tenderness in the past-- and I have become new acquaintances, so I don't always recognize her. What does she look like? Feel like? How does she present herself, this softness? How will I know when I'm in her presence?

So, I like to pretend I'm a naturalist, a scientist, scratching notes onto paper. I see things. I think things. Brainstorm.

Softness is:

• a warm beverage
• moving slowly
• doing fewer things
• slow walks

But a person can walk slowly and it'll just take them longer to get to where they're going. A person can chug a mug of hot apple cider. A person can lay in bed all day and do "nothing." Those are just THINGS. Actions. And what are actions without thought?

I have discovered tenderness in my own tears. I have found softness in my fears and insecurities. I have found love in my quietest voice. I have found solace in my inadequacies and ineptitude.  

When I pay attention to the hard stuff, the stuff that scares me and feels threatening-- just PAY ATTENTION to them-- recognizing softness is easier. Because it's only by hearing what my body is saying can I then give it to her, and give it to her with kindness and love. Meet her with acceptance rather than judgment.

Right now, in this season of my life, softness is responsiveness to my needs. It is learning to be with those parts of me that I've been most harsh with. It is giving myself the space and time and energy to collapse into my gentle embrace and be cherished.

I have wanted all my life to be cherished, and silly me, I never realized til now that I can do that all by myself.