For Reals, Though

I'm not a feminist.  I'm a woman, I support women, I like women, and I like being a woman, but I don't go out and participate in feminist causes.  I don't think the bra was invented to squash (both literally and figuratively) a woman's sexuality or sexual identity, and I like not having hairy armpits.  I think it also bears mentioning that I'm not a super hippie, either.  While I support efforts to recycle and like to eat local, organic produce, while I use reusable shopping bags at the market and frequently shop at rummage sales and Goodwill, I don't buy my tampons at the health food store, I don't really like supporting Whole Foods (who I think of as kind of the WalMart of health food stores), and I actually use products made in China.  Let it be known that I am moderately crunchy and a woman who supports women.

That being said, ladies, we gotta stop hating each other.  We have to stop saying we deserve to be beaten and raped and demeaned.  We have to stop giving our support to the abusers, cushioning their egos from criticism, when in fact it isn't okay to not just hit women, but it's not okay to hit anyone!  So maybe a lady was arguing with her man and got lippy-- does she deserve to be punched in the face?  If she gets niele and snoops on his phone, does it mean he can kick her in the stomach?  If a woman is wearing revealing clothing, does that mean she's asking to be raped?

And writing this all down now isn't my attempt to change your mind or spur you into action.  It's just me venting.  It's my response to all the hype out there about Chris Brown and Rihanna and all the people who seem to think that those of us who are still not convinced Brown should have been asked to perform twice at the Grammys (let alone receive a standing ovation) should just "get over it" already because that is such ancient history.  This is not the opinion of a woman with a political agenda or an all-natural woman who thinks we are all One (although I do in fact believe that, it isn't necessarily the genesis of my opinion) and that a woman's body is a temple that should be revered.  No.  I just happen to think we're destroying ourselves and failing to see the bigger picture.  I think when we hate on each other, we're slowly killing our own potential and spoiling our own unique pulchritude.  We begin to limit what we ourselves can do.  We were created to create, after all, but spend so much of our time trying to bring down other women.  Why?  To validate ourselves and our choices?  Imagine if we all helped to lay a fertile ground in which we could all flourish?  What kind of world would it be then?

But at this point, I'd really just settle for reading a lot less "she deserved it" and "it's so 2009."  Chris Brown has yet to seem sincerely remorseful and until then, I can't believe he's actually changed.  I know of many people who have changed their lives after having made poor choices in the past, and I know people who have made great choices despite shitty childhoods and limited options.  Maybe if so many people weren't trying so hard to make someone like Chris Brown feel okay about what he did, he might actually try facing his shit and dealing with it.  I mean, I think by coddling him, the public is also selling him short, telling him that's the best he can be, when I think it's clear that he can be so much more.  Look at it more in the light of helping him become a better man rather than continuing to tear him down.  He deserves happiness, too.