Remember

In looking for old videos and pictures of Keala, I had to fire up my old desktop computer.  Before I bought my laptop in the spring of 2010, I made a backup of my desktop on the external hard drive that Shani gave me.  Before THAT,  I had been making copies of my picture files onto discs.  I deleted some pictures off the computer, but not all.  I couldn't tell you the last time I turned on the desktop, but I thought that today it would be the fastest route to finding these images of Keala.

Not that the computer helped any.  I landed up using Charlie's laptop to browse the photos on the external HD and then discovered that nothing was in order. While I had moved everything onto the HD, I hadn't done it in any meaningful way.  Nothing was organized so I didn't actually find anything with Keala in it, but luckily I had these pictures on my laptop of her at camp 2010.

Had I anticipated the eventual need to dig up old photos, I might have paid more attention the last time I used that computer.  I might have organized the files, I might not have dismantled all its peripherals, and if I hadn't done any of that, maybe I should have at least written some shit down.  Because I had a new computer, because I was more than eager to abandon the old, crappy one, I was less than attentive when I said goodbye  to it.

And there it is, my friends.  Did I know that camp would be the last time I'd see Keala?  I'm a little ashamed to say that I didn't even give it much thought.  Though we weren't friends, we'd met and talked a few times because of Jonah.  She seemed to be an intelligent and kind person.  Strong.  Because we already knew she had been battling cancer and working and everything.  But despite the disease and entirely because of her positive attitude, I assumed we'd see her again.  Then I look at those pictures and I wish I'd paid more attention.  I wonder if I had hugged her goodbye.  I remember sitting around the campfire and talking to her that night after she and Jonah and Josh took the kids crabbing.

Had I been paying attention, I would have hugged her.  I would have said goodbye.  It wouldn't be a blur.  Your rational mind tells you that you'll see your friends/kids/co-worker/terrier again, so you feel a little silly for living in the moment/telling people how you feel.  But nothing's guaranteed, folks.  Just remember.

Be Here Now.