Thereʻs a scene in Spiderman: No Way Home in which the three Spidermen? Spidermans? are preparing for battle and Peter 3 says to the other two, “I love you guys.” They look at him and each other and then thank him.
I love this moment because, shit, you see a man in a blockbuster movie say to other men in a completely earnest way, “I love you,” and that love is received with sincerity. But what just crushes my heart while simultaneously pumping it up five times its natural size is the realization that Spiderman is speaking TO HIMSELF. He is looking at his other selves from other dimensions, taking comfort in their presence, working with them to defeat evil, and LOVING them— loving HIMSELF. He is loving each of his selves AS THEY ARE.
They go on this journey together, and as they get to know each other, learn about their strengths, and share their vulnerabilities, they demonstrate compassion and acceptance. They discover theyʻve all suffered great loss and feel like failures. They can relate to each otherʻs trauma in such a unique way. Itʻs not lost on me that the other Spidermans are older and they are extending grace and wisdom to their younger counterpart. They work to help him heal so that he can flourish. In fact, thereʻs a whole part where Peter 2 reminds Peter 3 how amazing he is. Itʻs like a whole therapy session they have with each other.
And when they fight the villains as individual Spidermans, they fail! Theyʻre so used to fighting their battles alone that they suck at working together. Until Peter 1 (of Team Avengers!) guides them and says, “Focus. Trust your tingle. Coordinate our attacks.” Augh! Guess what happens once they do that? Go on, guess!
The relationship the three Peters share demonstrates the kind of relationship I strive to have with myself. I want to love myself, work with instead of against myself, and defeat evil! I donʻt think thatʻs asking for too much.
It can be so hard to extend grace to myself when I feel shitty, but it becomes an easier exercise when I ask myself, “is this how I would treat someone else? A friend? My child?” The Peters didnʻt mock each other when they shared their stories. They didnʻt judge each other. You can see in their faces the empathy and concern and awe. Maybe if I can imagine this aspect of self— this hurt, scared, and sometimes angry aspect of self— as an entity outside of myself, I can be kinder and more loving. Maybe at the end, I can hug her, thank her, and flourish.
Side note: Never thought Iʻd be writing a blog about Spiderman. Iʻd recommend watching this one if you havenʻt already and if I havenʻt spoiled it for you here.
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