I never played sports in high school. I took drama, speech, photography, and lots of English classes. I wrote and edited an award-winning (at the nearby community college) PSA about AIDS my senior year, but couldnʻt celebrate because I was running lights for The Crucible. I was in the drama club that year, but I felt more honorary than true.
What Iʻm saying is I donʻt think Iʻve really had People. Friends? Yes. Acquaintances? Plenty. I am super lucky to have this fantastic support system to help me navigate my current journey.
But I canʻt remember the last time I had People. I didnʻt even know that I needed or wanted People.
Until pole.
Iʻve been asked how Iʻve gotten so many friends to sign up for a level series, and I joke that itʻs because I post embarrassing videos of myself on social media to show that if I can do it, anyone can. Never mind that my therapist and friends would say thatʻs self-deprecating (theyʻre right). I donʻt think thatʻs the real reason, anyway.
Pole has given me so much. Iʻve likened it to the movie A Knightʻs Tale, which is a film that has EVERYTHING: romance, comedy, action, a dance sequence! Pole at Fit for a Goddess is fitness, sensuality, strength. Itʻs totally challenging in so many fucking ways while also managing to be a super safe and uplifting place.
Iʻm a baby poler-- Iʻve only been at this less than a year. But what I quickly discovered is that the amount of confidence I gained wasnʻt dependent on my actual ability. Going week after week, growing stronger, learning more, trying, trying, trying, doing, doing, doing? Thatʻs what it was about. Slowly coming out of my shell, learning more about what my body could do, what my brain could do, seeing the positive changes? Holy shit! I was learning to give to myself and to be kind to myself and to encourage myself.
It helped a shit-ton that Ami was there, literally cheering me on, modeling not only the spins and turns, but also showing me what encouragement, support, and self-love looks like.
It helped to have super fucking awesome instructors like Tiani, Jamie, and Jenn. Each of them have their own unique teaching styles, and each has given (and continues to give) me new perspectives, encouragement, and challenges. And whatever challenges I face in their classes, I have been met with nothing but support. I mean, did you see my epic humiliation in Jamieʻs Slow Flow? The whole class fucking cheered me when using my foot to propel me around the pole like it was a fucking skateboard!
If youʻre reading this, then you likely already know how I value stories. Stories connect us. Stories are so important. So when we stand around the parking lot after class, shooting the shit, itʻs like Iʻm tending my garden, caring for seeds I planted. I feel a part of a community. I feel accepted. These women have seen me try and fail. Theyʻve seen me repeat the same dumb mistakes over and over and over for days and weeks. Theyʻve seen me try to express a sensual part of me that Iʻve worked hard to hide. Theyʻve seen my terror at being in the front line of Tianiʻs choreo class and ribbed me for it, but also fucking cheered me just for trying. And I donʻt care if thatʻs simply good sportsmanship! I donʻt care! It feels good!
In those 90 minutes, we are united in purpose: learn the thing, practice the thing, get better at the thing, have fun. And maybe at the end? We can talk about the thing, laugh about the thing, talk about other things.
In writing this, Iʻm probably showing how uncool I am, though I think Iʻve already established how unconcerned I am with seeming cool. That was always going to be a lost cause if it were ever my mission.
How have I gotten so many friends to sign up? Whatʻs the real reason? Yes, theyʻve likely seen my embarrassing videos. But maybe more importantly, theyʻve also heard the contents of this blog before and seen how pole has changed my life. I have been through so much shit in the last few years and it feels so fricken good to find something for myself. It is like meditation. It centers my mind. It grounds me. It feeds my body, it feeds my soul.
Or maybe they just see how much fucking fun it is!
Go Team!
Note: Working the Writing Center at UHM/being in Teaching Composition class felt like a team. Taking the intensive Spanish 101/102 felt like a team. Taking ʻōlelo hawaiʻi with Jonah felt like a team. Thanks to all of you who were in those classes with me, including my fucking kick-ass instructors. This blog, however humble, is dedicated to all of you.
Enjoy these "bloopers" from my first Level 2 graduation.
