My Mantra (or A Conversation Between Brain and Heart)

My focus for January is this: don't diminish your light so that others might shine brighter.

I was walking last night and talking out loud to myself and realized that wearing a mask is a brilliant way to disguise one's madness. I guess you can still see it in the eyes, but I wear a cap.

I was also telling Merf that I didn't know what my third goal was (I've talked about lists of 3 before, haven't I?). I'm adding meditation back into the rotation, as well as daily squats (look out, quads and hamstrings!). But what the heck else was I going to do?

On my walk, I started repeating that mantra to myself:

Don't diminish your light, Kanani, so that others might shine brighter. 

I don't like hurting people. No, it's not even that. I don't see the need to hurt people, and I want to ease suffering when I can. But I've been doing that at the expense of self for a long time.

So. 

Don't diminish your light, Kanani, so that others might shine brighter.

Do not be dissuaded by the loud voices in the room. Often, they don't even realize how loud they are. Like me, they want to be happy. They want to ease their own suffering.

Put it another way. 

Shine bright, Kanani, because your light is singular.

In our local culture, humility is valued. You like people call you haʻahaʻa. And in our increasingly dichotomous world, if you not haʻahaʻa, then you haʻakoi.

So part of shining bright is letting go of judgment. Our daily language is full of judgy words. Selfish. Should. Better. Selfless. Take a moment today and just listen to people talking. About anything. Words are powerful.

I can be bright without being haʻakoi. I can be bright without diminishing your light. Itʻs not either/or. Life is way more nuanced than that. More complex.

Shine bright, Kanani, because your light is singular.

The fear, of course, is that my light is so bright that it invites criticism. "Too bright, Kanani! Tone it down!" or "Wow, laulau, who you tink you?" And criticism in itself is not the problem. Itʻs the vulnerability of putting out for the whole world to see my authentic self.

Shining bright is brave. Being vulnerable is brave. Keeping that "sweet wound" ever open is brave. Opening myself up to the world, accepting the good and not so good and everything in between-- thatʻs brave.

I can be brave. I can shine bright. 

And I can still help ease suffering. I can still be haʻahaʻa (See? Even thatʻs a judgment). Your light is not diminished. Matter of fact, we going make the world brighter together.