Lucy caught a mild cold this past weekend, probably due to Shayne and Maia being all drippy-nosed, too. Lucy spends a lot of time with her cousins over the weekend at Aunty Shelley's house or at grandma's. So, when she woke up this morning, we took her temperature, and when there was no fever, I gave her the choice to stay home or go to school. I know you don't have to have a fever to feel too sick to go to school, after all, and would rather she spend time at home resting and getting better than go to school and make it all worse. I told her she could stay home and rest or she could go to school with the option to go to the health room if she felt sick. She chose to go to school.
And as soon as she walked into her classroom, she told her teacher she was sick so she might have to go to the health room later and that she had a "small fever". Teacher says, "You shouldn't be here if you have a fever," and sends Lucy to the health room. Health aid confirms Lucy doesn't have a fever, but Lucy tells her she doesn't think she can finish the day at school. Health aid calls me and I talk to Lucy and determine that she's okay and that I don't have to take her home. She puts the aid back on and yet the aid still kind of insists that Lucy should go home. So I pick her up. I'm irritated and take it out on Lucy on the way home from school. I'm not getting paid today because I'm not working because Lucy lied about having a fever and because the school employees don't know her well enough to gauge how she's REALLY feeling.
This is really why I'm angry right now. I'm angry with Lucy for lying-- she KNEW she didn't have a fever because both Charlie and I told her that 96.8 did not a fever make. She knew it and lied anyway. But what I do know for certain is that 1. if Lori was still our health aid, she would never have forced me to take home my daughter because my daughter said "I can't do it." 2. If Tracie were still her teacher, she would have understood what Lucy was doing and why I didn't keep her home. I feel like I was manipulated into taking Lucy home from school and that my choice to send her to school was flippantly made. Because even when I explained what happened to the health aid, she still looked at me like I was stupid and mean for having sent my sick child to school. The very school at which I work, mind you.
It's been such a crappy-ass school year for Lucy and she doesn't even realize it, and I think it's been so unfair to her and her classmates. Their teacher left just after the first quarter for personal reasons (family emergency type stuff), had a long string of subs second quarter, and now have a different teacher, new to the school, to finish out the school year. This, their first HSA-taking year (and believe me, HSA is a whole 'nother blog). So, after beginning the year one way, then having no real structure for a quarter, and then now having to start all over again, I think Lucy and her classmates are at a distinct disadvantage so late into the year. I had hoped she would have stayed in school today not because I didn't want to stay home from work, but because I know she could use all the classroom instruction she can get.
Just as the work is starting to really get hard, her teacher is still working on getting to know the kids as well as getting used to curriculum and school politics (and policies). She drastically changed the routine, diverging from what was agreed upon by the grade level, which totally threw the kids off. Many of them did poorly on their spelling tests, for example, because she changed so much of it without a heads up to even the parents. I couldn't help Lucy figure out what was expected of her because even I didn't know.
Which is why I've also been doing some reading by the author Alfie Kohn. He's written many articles and books about the many wonders of progressive education and outlines the failure of the current educational system. He writes about how standardized tests measure the wrong things and how students aren't being taught for the simple value of learning, but to become better workers as adults. Very interesting stuff. Stuff I'd already kind of agreed with (like standardized tests), but never did much research on. It makes me want to be a better parent, really.
I'm now feeling better about what happened today so I'm going to stop writing, but if you have any thoughts about our educational system, I'd love to hear them whether or not they echo my own ideas.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
For Reals, Though
I'm not a feminist. I'm a woman, I support women, I like women, and I like being a woman, but I don't go out and participate in feminist causes. I don't think the bra was invented to squash (both literally and figuratively) a woman's sexuality or sexual identity, and I like not having hairy armpits. I think it also bears mentioning that I'm not a super hippie, either. While I support efforts to recycle and like to eat local, organic produce, while I use reusable shopping bags at the market and frequently shop at rummage sales and Goodwill, I don't buy my tampons at the health food store, I don't really like supporting Whole Foods (who I think of as kind of the WalMart of health food stores), and I actually use products made in China. Let it be known that I am moderately crunchy and a woman who supports women.
That being said, ladies, we gotta stop hating each other. We have to stop saying we deserve to be beaten and raped and demeaned. We have to stop giving our support to the abusers, cushioning their egos from criticism, when in fact it isn't okay to not just hit women, but it's not okay to hit anyone! So maybe a lady was arguing with her man and got lippy-- does she deserve to be punched in the face? If she gets niele and snoops on his phone, does it mean he can kick her in the stomach? If a woman is wearing revealing clothing, does that mean she's asking to be raped?
And writing this all down now isn't my attempt to change your mind or spur you into action. It's just me venting. It's my response to all the hype out there about Chris Brown and Rihanna and all the people who seem to think that those of us who are still not convinced Brown should have been asked to perform twice at the Grammys (let alone receive a standing ovation) should just "get over it" already because that is such ancient history. This is not the opinion of a woman with a political agenda or an all-natural woman who thinks we are all One (although I do in fact believe that, it isn't necessarily the genesis of my opinion) and that a woman's body is a temple that should be revered. No. I just happen to think we're destroying ourselves and failing to see the bigger picture. I think when we hate on each other, we're slowly killing our own potential and spoiling our own unique pulchritude. We begin to limit what we ourselves can do. We were created to create, after all, but spend so much of our time trying to bring down other women. Why? To validate ourselves and our choices? Imagine if we all helped to lay a fertile ground in which we could all flourish? What kind of world would it be then?
But at this point, I'd really just settle for reading a lot less "she deserved it" and "it's so 2009." Chris Brown has yet to seem sincerely remorseful and until then, I can't believe he's actually changed. I know of many people who have changed their lives after having made poor choices in the past, and I know people who have made great choices despite shitty childhoods and limited options. Maybe if so many people weren't trying so hard to make someone like Chris Brown feel okay about what he did, he might actually try facing his shit and dealing with it. I mean, I think by coddling him, the public is also selling him short, telling him that's the best he can be, when I think it's clear that he can be so much more. Look at it more in the light of helping him become a better man rather than continuing to tear him down. He deserves happiness, too.
That being said, ladies, we gotta stop hating each other. We have to stop saying we deserve to be beaten and raped and demeaned. We have to stop giving our support to the abusers, cushioning their egos from criticism, when in fact it isn't okay to not just hit women, but it's not okay to hit anyone! So maybe a lady was arguing with her man and got lippy-- does she deserve to be punched in the face? If she gets niele and snoops on his phone, does it mean he can kick her in the stomach? If a woman is wearing revealing clothing, does that mean she's asking to be raped?
And writing this all down now isn't my attempt to change your mind or spur you into action. It's just me venting. It's my response to all the hype out there about Chris Brown and Rihanna and all the people who seem to think that those of us who are still not convinced Brown should have been asked to perform twice at the Grammys (let alone receive a standing ovation) should just "get over it" already because that is such ancient history. This is not the opinion of a woman with a political agenda or an all-natural woman who thinks we are all One (although I do in fact believe that, it isn't necessarily the genesis of my opinion) and that a woman's body is a temple that should be revered. No. I just happen to think we're destroying ourselves and failing to see the bigger picture. I think when we hate on each other, we're slowly killing our own potential and spoiling our own unique pulchritude. We begin to limit what we ourselves can do. We were created to create, after all, but spend so much of our time trying to bring down other women. Why? To validate ourselves and our choices? Imagine if we all helped to lay a fertile ground in which we could all flourish? What kind of world would it be then?
But at this point, I'd really just settle for reading a lot less "she deserved it" and "it's so 2009." Chris Brown has yet to seem sincerely remorseful and until then, I can't believe he's actually changed. I know of many people who have changed their lives after having made poor choices in the past, and I know people who have made great choices despite shitty childhoods and limited options. Maybe if so many people weren't trying so hard to make someone like Chris Brown feel okay about what he did, he might actually try facing his shit and dealing with it. I mean, I think by coddling him, the public is also selling him short, telling him that's the best he can be, when I think it's clear that he can be so much more. Look at it more in the light of helping him become a better man rather than continuing to tear him down. He deserves happiness, too.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Futility
My friend Meredith wrote a blog a couple days ago, asking her readers for their thoughts on wearing makeup. Not surprisingly, my first impulse was to respond immediately. I have lots of thoughts on the matter! I know what I think about it right here and now! But contrary to my natural behavior, I waited and used these last few days to further ruminate. Is my opinion the same as it was 20 years ago? I wanted to think on it.
Here are the questions she posed (and, yes, I cut and pasted them from her blog):
-Is makeup a big deal to you?
-What do think when you see a woman wearing a lot of makeup? Wearing no makeup?
-Do you feel different when you are wearing makeup v. not wearing makeup?
-What would be harder for you: taking a pic without makeup, first thing in the morning, or taking a pic of your belly, with no flexing or sucking in?
1. Make up has never been a big deal to me. I've worn it out in public exactly 5 times: 4 proms and 1 wedding. I don't even wear chapstick unless it's absolutely necessary. We have no makeup in the house (unless you count nail polish, and if you do, none of it's mine), and if you gave some to me or Lucy, it would probably find itself in the garbage can in short time.
It's not that I don't see any value in cosmetics-- a well made-up woman or man can look stunning under the right circumstances-- and like any good accessory, makeup can lend character to those who wear it. (And this is a new development in my general paradigm. It's one of those instances where I'm pleased that Charlie and I don't always agree with each other on issues because he helps me see things in new ways.) Whether used deftly as a beauty tool or as an egregious mistake, its application has the potential to speak volumes about its wearer... and sometimes the message is contrary to the one intended. Which leads me to number
2. I really wish women didn't wear makeup because it's so unnecessary, but I know it can be fun to use it in such a way that you can be someone else completely. I understand how makeup can be a catalyst for positive change in attitude and in life. But you gotta understand that when you wear enough to weigh your head down and permanently alter your posture, you're sending a message to the world, and it isn't necessarily, "Look how beautiful I am." Wearing a lot of makeup can inspire pity in both men and women because, like it or not, it's often quite telling about your self-esteem. There must be some mathematical model somewhere that illustrates the inverse proportion between the amount of makeup applied and levels of self-esteem. Granted, this is not always the case. It might not even SOMETIMES be the case. But if I'm being honest, there it is. On the other hand, there are women who lord it over others, wearing it like a badge of honor, proving just how crunchy they are by the amount of cosmetics they DON'T use. "I'm so super-crunchy, I don't even use soap!"
3 & 4. I feel utterly ridiculous when wearing makeup. Where most women feel more beautiful or sassy, I think the cosmetics only enhance (exacerbate?) my features as they would a clown. It feels a lot like covering up bad body odor with perfume-- a sad lesson in futility. That being said, it would be a lot easier for me to take a picture sans makeup than to take a picture of my unfettered belly. I may be virtually at ease with my sorry complexion, but I'm at war with my girth. We are not at peace.
Here are the questions she posed (and, yes, I cut and pasted them from her blog):
-Is makeup a big deal to you?
-What do think when you see a woman wearing a lot of makeup? Wearing no makeup?
-Do you feel different when you are wearing makeup v. not wearing makeup?
-What would be harder for you: taking a pic without makeup, first thing in the morning, or taking a pic of your belly, with no flexing or sucking in?
1. Make up has never been a big deal to me. I've worn it out in public exactly 5 times: 4 proms and 1 wedding. I don't even wear chapstick unless it's absolutely necessary. We have no makeup in the house (unless you count nail polish, and if you do, none of it's mine), and if you gave some to me or Lucy, it would probably find itself in the garbage can in short time.
It's not that I don't see any value in cosmetics-- a well made-up woman or man can look stunning under the right circumstances-- and like any good accessory, makeup can lend character to those who wear it. (And this is a new development in my general paradigm. It's one of those instances where I'm pleased that Charlie and I don't always agree with each other on issues because he helps me see things in new ways.) Whether used deftly as a beauty tool or as an egregious mistake, its application has the potential to speak volumes about its wearer... and sometimes the message is contrary to the one intended. Which leads me to number
2. I really wish women didn't wear makeup because it's so unnecessary, but I know it can be fun to use it in such a way that you can be someone else completely. I understand how makeup can be a catalyst for positive change in attitude and in life. But you gotta understand that when you wear enough to weigh your head down and permanently alter your posture, you're sending a message to the world, and it isn't necessarily, "Look how beautiful I am." Wearing a lot of makeup can inspire pity in both men and women because, like it or not, it's often quite telling about your self-esteem. There must be some mathematical model somewhere that illustrates the inverse proportion between the amount of makeup applied and levels of self-esteem. Granted, this is not always the case. It might not even SOMETIMES be the case. But if I'm being honest, there it is. On the other hand, there are women who lord it over others, wearing it like a badge of honor, proving just how crunchy they are by the amount of cosmetics they DON'T use. "I'm so super-crunchy, I don't even use soap!"
3 & 4. I feel utterly ridiculous when wearing makeup. Where most women feel more beautiful or sassy, I think the cosmetics only enhance (exacerbate?) my features as they would a clown. It feels a lot like covering up bad body odor with perfume-- a sad lesson in futility. That being said, it would be a lot easier for me to take a picture sans makeup than to take a picture of my unfettered belly. I may be virtually at ease with my sorry complexion, but I'm at war with my girth. We are not at peace.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Beige
I've been making my way through Jennifer Fallon's Tide Lord series for the last month, and I'm so over it. Which is why I'm in the middle of book THREE.
I can't let it go! The last truly terrible series I read was Elizabeth Haydon's Symphony of Ages series. If you asked me why, I wouldn't be able to pin point exact reasons because I flew as fast as I could through the first three books, and it was a while ago that I read them. What stands out most in my mind, however, is a very long sequence in which the main protagonists crawl through tunnels in the earth for days if not weeks. Do you know how tedious that gets as a written story? Do you know how BORING that is? Three characters crawling through the earth for weeks on end. No other characters, no change of scenery. Very boring. Not very dynamic.
I have yet to find anything like that in the Fallon series, but it's about as un-dynamic as Haydon's. My biggest complaint isn't the pace of the plot, but the lack of real conflict and the utter predictability of the storyline. Fallon uses the same trick to reveal her surprises which, as you can imagine, becomes less and less surprising with each reveal. Don't put your hand in that hole, there's a scorpion that's going to bite you! And again! Oh, and again! The transparency of the series, so far, is made all the more obvious by the flimsiness of the plot itself. Half the protagonists are trying to figure out what the other half is planning, but so far we've learned nothing new in three books!
Shani and I went to see some supremely crappy action movie within the last year or so (at my request), during which I'd fallen asleep, but we'd only paid a dollar for the dubious pleasure and hopefully I didn't snore too loudly. It was probably the second or third in a string of crap-ass movies I'd chosen and should put to rest any questions one might have about how much Shani loves me. Anyway, this movie emphatically displayed for the better part of 90 minutes just how put-me-to-sleep boring an action movie could be.
This is how I feel about the Tide Lord series. The characters are ever-moving and never-changing, and there are no surprises, no disappointments, not drawn-out tension to later bless you with the sudden clarity of mind that release brings. In two and a half books, I have yet to feel the bitterness of heartache or the sweetness of romance. I have not mourned the loss of any character-- indeed, only one protagonist has perished thus far, and a minor one at that. It's all very beige.
And still I read.
I can't let it go! The last truly terrible series I read was Elizabeth Haydon's Symphony of Ages series. If you asked me why, I wouldn't be able to pin point exact reasons because I flew as fast as I could through the first three books, and it was a while ago that I read them. What stands out most in my mind, however, is a very long sequence in which the main protagonists crawl through tunnels in the earth for days if not weeks. Do you know how tedious that gets as a written story? Do you know how BORING that is? Three characters crawling through the earth for weeks on end. No other characters, no change of scenery. Very boring. Not very dynamic.
I have yet to find anything like that in the Fallon series, but it's about as un-dynamic as Haydon's. My biggest complaint isn't the pace of the plot, but the lack of real conflict and the utter predictability of the storyline. Fallon uses the same trick to reveal her surprises which, as you can imagine, becomes less and less surprising with each reveal. Don't put your hand in that hole, there's a scorpion that's going to bite you! And again! Oh, and again! The transparency of the series, so far, is made all the more obvious by the flimsiness of the plot itself. Half the protagonists are trying to figure out what the other half is planning, but so far we've learned nothing new in three books!
Shani and I went to see some supremely crappy action movie within the last year or so (at my request), during which I'd fallen asleep, but we'd only paid a dollar for the dubious pleasure and hopefully I didn't snore too loudly. It was probably the second or third in a string of crap-ass movies I'd chosen and should put to rest any questions one might have about how much Shani loves me. Anyway, this movie emphatically displayed for the better part of 90 minutes just how put-me-to-sleep boring an action movie could be.
This is how I feel about the Tide Lord series. The characters are ever-moving and never-changing, and there are no surprises, no disappointments, not drawn-out tension to later bless you with the sudden clarity of mind that release brings. In two and a half books, I have yet to feel the bitterness of heartache or the sweetness of romance. I have not mourned the loss of any character-- indeed, only one protagonist has perished thus far, and a minor one at that. It's all very beige.
And still I read.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Fly, Oh My
I want to preface this blog with the following: I don't like to hate on other women. I think we should support each other, empower each other, and work together. That being typed, I'm now about to criticize a famous-ish woman, okay? Think less of me if you will, but read on first. Oh, and I know some of you are going to think that I need to lighten up about this, and rest assured that it's not keeping me up at night and I'm not planning any protests. Like a good hypocrite, I listen to this song, I know the chorus. I just don't put it on my kids' iPods or listen to it around them. Anyway, to the blog...
You may not know this, but singer Keri Hilson has a song called Pretty Girl Rock, and while I love the empowering theme that "I know that I'm pretty", finding validation within rather than from without, I don't like the idea that the power in the song comes hand in hand with not only the judgment of other women, but their abasement as well. If you'd like to look for yourself, you can read the lyrics here. Why wasn't she satisfied with being pretty? Why she gotta hate like that? In my estimation, she went from her self-professed 10 to maybe a 5 because she's bragging about how she made my man look at her and made him mad because she's cuter than I am. With songs like these, we do the work for all those nice folks who say women are less than human. They don't have to write campaign slogans or catchy tunes, popular recording artists will do the job for them! And get paid by US, the suckers.
In the music video, Miss Hilson pays respect to other "pretty" girls who have come before her like the girls in TLC, Diana Ross, and Donna Summer. According to this article in Yahoo, Hilson claims that this song is, indeed, for everyone. It's supposed to empower all women, but I just don't buy that because the same song also encourages them to brag that they're prettier than other women, especially the ones with their men drooling all over the other girl walking by. Every woman should feel sexy and sassy and strong and shouldn't even be thinking about impressing another woman's man! As if THAT'S the proper or adequate measure of just how pretty (or valuable) you really are.
I can do the pretty girl rock, and I don't feel the need to be prettier than all of you. And even if I were, I wouldn't have to throw it in your faces ;-).
You may not know this, but singer Keri Hilson has a song called Pretty Girl Rock, and while I love the empowering theme that "I know that I'm pretty", finding validation within rather than from without, I don't like the idea that the power in the song comes hand in hand with not only the judgment of other women, but their abasement as well. If you'd like to look for yourself, you can read the lyrics here. Why wasn't she satisfied with being pretty? Why she gotta hate like that? In my estimation, she went from her self-professed 10 to maybe a 5 because she's bragging about how she made my man look at her and made him mad because she's cuter than I am. With songs like these, we do the work for all those nice folks who say women are less than human. They don't have to write campaign slogans or catchy tunes, popular recording artists will do the job for them! And get paid by US, the suckers.
In the music video, Miss Hilson pays respect to other "pretty" girls who have come before her like the girls in TLC, Diana Ross, and Donna Summer. According to this article in Yahoo, Hilson claims that this song is, indeed, for everyone. It's supposed to empower all women, but I just don't buy that because the same song also encourages them to brag that they're prettier than other women, especially the ones with their men drooling all over the other girl walking by. Every woman should feel sexy and sassy and strong and shouldn't even be thinking about impressing another woman's man! As if THAT'S the proper or adequate measure of just how pretty (or valuable) you really are.
I can do the pretty girl rock, and I don't feel the need to be prettier than all of you. And even if I were, I wouldn't have to throw it in your faces ;-).
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