The next step in my journey is to have surgery next week. It's a partial hysterectomy. My doctor is planning on removing my uterus and the fallopian tubes while leaving the ovaries in place to continue the important work they do. I nearly wept when my doctor finally suggested this a couple of weeks ago. If I could have done it that day, I would have. The anemia that accompanies this much bleeding has been inconvenient at best. The shortness of breath and muscle fatigue has made going to the gym impossible. You should see how slow I've had to walk, how out of breath I am when going from room to room, how pale the palms of my hands are. Worst of all is the lack of oxygen to my brain. It's not nearly as serious as it sounds, but I can't think clearly. I haven't been able to read my book because I forget what I've just read. I went to Peppa's to buy dinner one night and could not for the life of me remember what to call kimchi. It was like the word had been written on the whiteboard of my brain and someone had simply erased it. I panicked a little. "I want . . . that," I finally said, pointing.
And I'm not telling you this so I can get your pity or sympathy. I'm saying that this blood loss has real consequences that affect my daily life. And that's nothing to say of the money I invest in pads and tampons, which aren't cheap. I'm saying that getting this surgery, while scary (it's surgery, after all), is exciting. My sister, Shelley, responded to my text last week with, "Lucky you!" That's not the usual response, is it? But when you can't sleep through the night because you're constantly changing pads, when you're planning when you leave the house/work/any building with a clean bathroom around when you change those pads, you look forward to not ever bleeding ever again. Ever.
Maybe this is that lack of oxygen to my brain that's making me so excited to be free of my uterus. I couldn't tell you because I honestly don't know. I'm also nervous. I also wonder how I will feel about my femininity once my reproductive organs are out. I'm scared of finally getting what I want-- what will that be like? What will it be like to go to the beach at any time, on any day? To not worry what weekend camp will fall on? To not have to set aside period panties? Even after nearly a year of struggling with this, the surgery seems like it's happening so fast. And it is, I guess. It's only been a couple of weeks since my gynecologist finally said that magic word: hysterectomy.
The procedure itself is going to be robotic. How futuristic, no? How science fiction. It was described to me as my doctor sitting at a computer while these robotic arms do the work. Here's what the Mayo Clinic has to say about it. What appealed to me most about this procedure was the chance of very little scarring. After my sister's fibroid removal surgery over ten years ago, she still suffers from pain from the internal scarring. No, no thank you.
Anyway, approximate recovery time after surgery can be anywhere from a few weeks to eight weeks. I'm hoping to return after a two weeks. During that time, I can't lift heavy stuff (STILL no gym!) or exert myself; however, I DO hope maybe some of us can have lunch together? You know how I love to talk story over a meal, and I'm supposed to be able to eat and drink as usual, post-surgery. I just can't imagine staying at home for three weeks and doing nothing. No could even handle last week's Hurricane Lane cabin fever that spanned two days! Let's make a plan!
