It Takes a Village

I gave birth to my son over fifteen years ago and it was then that I became a full member in the "It Takes a Village to Raise a Child" club.  Not just because raising children is hard, but also because I realized that I can't give my kids the kind of well-rounded education that I want to.  Addition, subtraction, verbs, nouns, air, gas, water, yes, I can do.  How to tie shoelaces, cook an egg, wash dirty laundry, yes to those things, too.  But make a lei?  Fix a bike?  Play the guitar?  Pffft.  I can try, but maybe it would be better if someone more knowledgable would do that.  

I've been feeling particularly mushy about my friends and family lately.  I notice I feel happier on any given day if I get to connect with someone else.  Not just talk stories with, although that also has value, but what I'm talking about involves really looking at each other, speaking true words, sharing laughs and smiles, maybe touching each other-- a honi or a hug.  When we reach out to each other and help each other, we make burdens bearable, we invest a little more in the overall well-being of our community. 

Several people in my life selflessly give of themselves everyday in seemingly insignificant but powerful ways.  They give away smiles like they were going out of style, say hello to old friends and new acquaintances without expectation of a warm greeting in response.  Have you ever tried to do that?  It's fucking hard!  Saying hello to someone you barely know can be shame if that person doesn't acknowledge you, right?  But what do you really lose in that interaction?  What do you stand to gain?

Touching bases with so many of my old friends this past weekend filled up my tank.  I felt recharged.  My roots were nourished so that my branches could stretch and bear fruit.  In fact, I just realized that I probably got more hugs this weekend than usual, and I usually get a lot of hugging in on any given day.  I love hugs.

In addition to seeing so many old friends this past weekend, I had the privilege of having coffee with a new friend.  My intention had been to help share the heavy load she's been lugging around for months, but I found that she also helped share my load.  I left our date feeling excited for unknown possibilities. I also got to talk to some Spanish classmates who are having difficulty with the language.  Let's face it, we all are!  That small circle of people who are commiserating with me, who have similar language and academic challenges as I, helps me feel less alone, less adrift, less lost.  We can help each other.

We can't discount the importance of community, nor can we discount the value of creating new connections, expanding existing communities, and building new ones.  Nevermind that my kids are now fifteen and eleven.  I'm thirty-eight and I still need a village to help raise me.